The Sacrificial Pie of Motherhood

A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie. ~Tenneva Jordan

For me, the moment I became a mother, and even before that as a stepmother, I had a huge priority shift. It wasn’t about me and if I thought it was, I realized quickly I better think again. Instead of going out shopping for some cute outfits for myself, I found myself shopping for even cuter stuff for my kids. The smile on their face when I hand them the item, is worth it.

Today it shows. My clothes are almost all hand-me-downs and it’s very rare that I spend a dime or do something just for myself. If I have the money or the time, I tend to make it all about the kids or hubby. I don’t look like the same put together woman I once was 8 years ago. I’m not.

I have a greater understanding of the sacrifices my mom made for us. I remember her wearing the same 3 or so outfits day after day for a long time. I didn’t understand it then and just thought she was so uncool. Now that person wearing the same thing over and over again is me. And once again my mom is the one who gives me her clothes. Her sacrifices for us still go on today.

Lately,I have come to a point, though, where I have decided that I am giving out too much and not taking enough, if anything, back for myself. It could be the underwear that is falling apart that I still am tempted to wear for another few weeks or maybe its the fact that I haven’t had my teeth cleaned in over a year while my kids go like clockwork every 6 months.

Strangely enough, this has become a huge personal battle. Whenever I attempt to buy or do something just for me I experience a huge wave of guilt. Buy yourself a shirt? You should spend that money of stocking up the kid’s clothes for the upcoming winter! Go out to dinner with your friends? You should save that money and go out as a family! Teeth cleaned? Better save for those braces!

I struggle with this all the time but slowly I am gaining a little self respect back. I am still am a person and should be able to find a balance where I can be somewhat of a priority, right? I am not sure that I would ever be as brazen as to ask for the entire piece of pie, but slowly I am working to taking a small bite. Maybe in the future I could even ask them to split a piece with me. I do love pie, but not as much as I love my kids…

This post was brought to you buy the letter’s CHBMs and their collaboration.

4 Responses to “The Sacrificial Pie of Motherhood”

Adele Says:
August 22nd, 2007 at 12:58 pm
Oh honey, you are at the place I was a year ago. My children were so spoiled, and I realized that the distribution was unequal. I now treat myself to dinners out once per week with friends, and at least 5-6 new clothing articles per season. I still do not get the manicures and other fun things. But at least I look and feel good! It’s hard to argue with yourself about it though. A mommy who feels great, is a good mommy!
Lynsey Says:
August 22nd, 2007 at 4:39 pm
You know, I don’t struggle as much as you do with this but on occasion I do. I have this horrible clothes fettish but my son’s clothes also fall in this category. My struggle is more: If I buy a shirt for me, I have to buy one for him too. And then I spend too much money. Yes we had kids, yes we live for our kids, but you know we are still people ourselves and will be much better people with a little independence. I believe by taking care of myself as well as Caleb, he will learn that women are just as important.

Now go buy some sexy panties that aren’t falling apart….:)
Devilish Southern Belle Says:
August 22nd, 2007 at 8:56 pm
Good points….I feel much the same way, though I took a slightly different tack in my own collaboration post. I won’t ALWAYS do without a ‘want’ as opposed to a need so that my kids can have all their ‘wants’ (but I do go without I’d say 99% of the time, still!), but I do still feel pretty guilty when I do. I think the guilt is something a mama NEVER learns how to stamp down, even when there’s no real reason to feel guilty.
kim Says:
August 23rd, 2007 at 8:13 am
This was a great post. It is so hard to do this, but I’m now realizing that my kids have missed out on a lot of life lessons because of mommy guilt.