Is it just me or does anyone else do the blogging shuffle? Maybe you know the one. You get an idea, you pound away at your keyboard smiling to yourself at how creative an idea or rant you have, you hit publish and then starts the dance. The questions. As soon as you walk away from the computer you are drawn back and forth to it wondering…Will anyone agree with me? Is it too creative? Will I offend one of my readers? Too harsh? Should I take the post down, leave it up, edit it?

Lately I have been doing a lot of this. I don’t want to be “safe” and only write things that are so bland that I bore even myself. That definitely has never been my personality. I also don’t want to be so outrageous that I scare all my readers away. Regardless what anyone says, whether you blog for yourself or your writers, comments and instant feedback are very important to most bloggers. I know it is to me.

I have read some people that say to blog just for yourself and others that suggest blogging for your readers. Someone else said that risks should be taken daily on your posts. I don’t know. Nothing stings like hearing 1000 crickets chirp for an entire day after you think you put up a brilliant post. I had a few of these lately. Ouch! This almost hurts as much as when I found out recently that my google ranking dropped. Why this matters so much to me, I have no idea. But it does and now I am committed to bringing the number back up even if I die trying. Ok, so that may be a little dramatic, but seriously. I am on a mission.

On a slightly different topic, if you blog, do you consider yourself a writer? Do you have to be making money off a blog to be considered a writer? Why, you ask? Well, with the kids starting a new Tae Kwon Do class this summer and with Ty starting a new school this year, the question of what I “do” has been raised quite a bit. Oh sure, I could answer the old SAHM, but I am starting to not only find that being a SAHM is boring, but also that saying I am a SAHM is boring. Especially around here- seems like a good portion of them are these plastic dippy moms that sit around and compare how much money their husbands make. Uhm. No thank you.

I could be completely unrealistic and answer a lion tamer, because on any given day, I could be taming some little boys that like to pretend to be lions, but well… it just doesn’t seem right. I could say a cook, as I do spend a good portion of my days baking and cooking, but still. Not quite right. Then I think, why not blogger? I could say that. But most people give me a strange look whenever I even SAY that word and those who don’t look at me like I just announced I am pregnant with aliens ask me what’s the name of my blog. That I don’t really want them to know. I may want to blog about them and don’t really want my RL to be reading my online life. Got to keep ‘em separated!

So why not writer? It makes me sound dark and deep, tortured and creative. I like that idea. Even if it’s not totally me, it’s still exciting and interesting. I do write. I write blog post, grocery list, to do list, emails, dismissal slips, and thank you cards. If anyone asked what I write I could just say I freelance. Or maybe. MAYBE. I should just get my act together and actually DO some writing and freelancing. I have only been saying I was going to do it for years now. I don’t know though. It’s just those darn crickets…

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As my steps crunch along the leaf littered path, I stretch my arms up in a sun salutation and take a deep breath in, feeling the faint smell of new green life tickle my nose. I sit down on a cold smooth rock and and shiver as the dampness bites my legs through my thin pants. I look around and see nothing but a little squirrel scamper away from the bubbling stream. As I lean back, I place my elbows on some soft moss and tilt my head towards the sun. Its warmth hugs my cheeks and heats my hair. I breathe in and fill my entire body with the crisp warm air.

A soft breeze rustles the landscape leaves and swings the ones still attached to the above branches. I watch as one drifts away from the rest on the branch and starts to spiral towards the ground. Slowly it dances, rocks back and forth and twirls. Sometimes flipping, but always peaceful and never deliberate it glides slowly, slowly until it gracefully lands on the clear water. I close my eyes and visualize myself floating and feeling as light as the leaf. I breathe out.

When I open my eyes, I see that the leaf is now drifting downstream. Calmly it bobs back and forth as it lightly bounces off little rocks in it’s path. Happily it bounces around and I smile. As the current starts to speed up, the leaf’s jaunt does too. I inhale heavily through my nose.

A large rock looms ahead and the leaf is now racing to it. Just as it makes it way over the rock, the water whites and bubbles heavily. I let a large puff of air out of my body, releasing all the stress and tension. I feel my legs shiver from the cold rock beneath me. The sun is still engulfing me in its warm embrace and I stand up and stretch. I strike a warrior pose and smile as I finish with one last sun salutation.

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