I was very competitive with other kids when I was in elementary school. I lived for gymnastics and that competitive attitude carried over to most other aspects of my life. My biggest competition at this age was my youngest sister. She was cute, a talented ballerina and spent more time with my mom than I was ever able to do. Before I started elementary school I spent my days at a baby sitter’s house. My mom remarried when I was in elementary school and my sister got to stay home with my mom and new brother. It seemed to me they were always going to fun places while I was at school studying. This made me so jealous and consequently, so mean, to my sister. I used to call her horrible names like Jabba the Hut. We fought all the time for attention, until I accepted my role as big sister to her when I was in middle school. Then I became protective and tried to make up for how horrible I was before.

In school my competitiveness was alive and well, too. I was a full fledge profectionist that always wanted to be the best at sports, academics, behavior and have the coolest friends. Later in elementary school I added clothing to the list, too. My mom made sure I was always dressed “in style” and I tried my best to make sure I was following all the latest trends. I know this may sound crazy, but I honestly wasn’t even aware of having to look cool until my mom made remarks about other girls in the class. Then I became overly aware of how I looked. I also remember trying to make the kids in class laugh by pulling stupid antics and making sure everyone laughed at the kids eating glue. It wasn’t difficult to do and I sure felt cool.

When I was in high school I found that those same kids who were eating glue or where the brunt of jokes were actually the nicest kids in our school. The cool kids that just had to be my friends in elementary school were mean, catty, and hurt me with their double talk. I still continued to be concerned with how I looked, but stopped trying to follow the preppy style trend at our school. I even made a lot of my own clothes just to be a little different. Being a class clown also stopped in high school. Instead of drawing attention to myself, I wanted to melt into the walls and be ignored.

I still am somewhat competitive these days, although it is not what drives my every move. I have worked really hard on learning to let go of my perfectionism. It doesn’t really matter to me anymore if I am wearing the hottest trend. Stain free and comfy are usually good enough for me. My sports now consist of kicking the ball around with my boys or pitching them a ball. More often than not, it’s the 20 yard dash chasing them across the store with a box of candy in their hand. It’s real easy to slip into using my kids to be competitive, like making sure they are the best dressed or the best at their sport. But I have even learned to let that go to, as to not push that stress on them. Accepting who we are is so much more comfy than striving to be who we are not…

This post was inspired by CHBM’s contest to win a very cool t-shirt from Baby Wit

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