My own worst enemy…
I am not trying to sound like a ninety-year old lady here, complaining about my health when it rains, but as many of you know I am facing some big medical decisions. Since I had my last son, Toby, I have dealt with some very uncomfortable and embarrassing conditions. My doctor thinks that I have adenomyosis and I have spent the last year and a half trying different things to cope with this torment. Nothing has worked and it has gotten to the point where the entire thing is affecting my everyday life. I sometimes can’t even leave the house for a few days a month. I am so tired and have anemia other times. I can’t work out. I have horrible pain and embarrassing “accidents.” I feel like my body and I are at war. My body wanting to degenerate to that of a 45 year old menopausal woman, me wanting to be my age - almost 30.
My ob/gyn has made me jump through some ridiculous hoops, and at times, I felt like he was just trying to put me off. I have been with this doctor for 6 years and have loved him through several other surgeries and 2 pregnancies and c-sections. He usually has excellent bedside manor. Slowly things have turned sour. A year ago, I came in for my annual and had to sign a release acknowledging that I understand he no longer has malpractice insurance. Then, his office staff changed and not for the better. One moment I felt like I was walking into Cheers, the next I am in Carandiru. My general practitioner suggested I stay with my ob/gyn because he has known me, my issues, and my body for so many years now.
The last hoop my ob/gyn had me skip through was to get a second opinion. This, I gladly did. It took me almost 4 months to accomplish this because I was a nobody to these other practices. They were in no rush to schedule me, cancel on me or reschedule. Then, when I finally went to an appointment, they made me sit there for one hour only to tell me that my original never sent the files and they couldn’t get them and wouldn’t see me. As if I wasn’t frustrated enough with this stupid Simon says game, I didn’t need this. Finally I found a wonderful place that got me in quickly and had a nice doctor who really took the time to go over the options and risks with me. Unfortunately, this only gave me a stronger sour distaste for my current doctor.
Today, I went back to see old time doctor and collect my $200 for passing go. His office staff can’t find half my records and try to tie me down and make me have another complete psychical before letting me discuss things with the doctor. I protest and almost went into tears. This entire ordeal has been so draining. Finally they speak with doctor and he tells them to let me talk with him. He agrees to go for the hysterectomy and quickly reviews the possible things that could go wrong. He does a quick exam and while he is performing this exam, lets me know that he is now doing laser hair removal. What? I am in an uncomfortable position here and the guy feels the need to discuss my shaving options with me? I still can’t believe this. Was he hinting at something? I sign the release forms and set a date to get my insides ripped out - September 28. I walk to my car, and have a feeling of accomplishment for enduring the last year and a half of “try this, do this assignments.” Then half way home I get sick to my stomach and wonder what the hell am I doing? I am not comfortable with my doctor. I am not comfortable with the risks. I am not sure this is what I want to do. Am I crazy? I must be.
I try to hold it together as I pick up my boys from school. Then I come home, get them situated and get on the web and research (again) all the pros and cons. I fall apart. I can’t do this. I am too scared and don’t feel like things are right. There seems to be no winning and no end to this. I talk to hubby and tell him how I feel. I know he thinks I am crazy and I can’t really disagree with him. I am not sure if this is my fear taking over, but I decided to pay my arm and leg and go see a holistic doctor on Thursday and exhaust that option. I don’t know what else to do and hope that this doctor can help. If not? I am short one arm and leg and will just have to go from there…
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8 Responses to “My own worst enemy…”
September 13th, 2006 at 7:18 am
I beg you go find another doctor. Keep looking until you find one you are comfortable with. You have way to many doubts to go through with surgery as major as a hysterectomy. It may be what you do in the end, but having a conscientious caring doctor will make all the difference. This doctor is lazy. The nurses should never be dismissive of your needs. I’ve learned this the hard way. Doctors are not gods.
I know that it is exhausting, but it took me three specialists and four pediatricians to finally get someone to figure how to control my son’s asthma attacks. So many doctors give textbook answers to illness. The doctor that finally helped my son thought outside the box. She told me when I expressed thanks and amazement “sometimes you have to try things outside the textbook. I think that they’re should be an IQ test with an emphasis on critical thinking skills for doctors.
I’m sorry for all your trouble. Listen to your instincts.
September 13th, 2006 at 8:14 am
I agree with KIM.
Please don’t go back to this doctor.
A hysterectomy might be the right solution, but I really don’t want that guy to be the one to do it.
Can you go back to the guy who did the referral and was really nice?
September 13th, 2006 at 2:03 pm
I too agree- you need to find another doctor. I wouldn’t trust any doctor who drops his malpractice insurance…. um hello- that probably means that his premiums are to high because of the cases that have been settled (kind of like your car insurance) On the flip side, I am so sorry to hear you are going through something as major as this. The pain is great enough, and what you are having to deal with must aggravate all of it.
I wish you luck at your hollistic doctor… it can’t hurt. Have you tried accupuncture, chiropractic care?
September 13th, 2006 at 5:24 pm
Go back to the “wonderful place” with the “nice doctor” that you saw. Do *not* go back to your doctor. You are uncomfortable with this man and his staff and it shows. He may have been great in the past, but he is obviously not now.
Please, go with your gut instinct. Get a new doctor. This one sounds like he’s gone downhill, fast.
Best of luck, sweetie!
September 13th, 2006 at 8:26 pm
First of all, let me just say HOW BIZARRE this is. I have been by here several times, thinking, “Hmm, where’s Boogiemum??” Then, just on a hunch, I hit the refresh button and suddenly there were THREE POSTS I hadn’t seen!! Weird.
But back to the topic, I’M SO SORRY!! And I agree with everyone here. I believe our guts are like internal Yodas… everwise and knowing, maybe even green.
Good luck, sweet thing. My thoughts and prayers will be with you.
September 14th, 2006 at 12:47 am
I hope it works out for you, and quickly so that you can deal with this instead of having to cut bureaucratic tape. I hate that about medical care.
Throwing my two cents in to definitely not go back to tacky laser removal mention doctor.
Good luck!
September 15th, 2006 at 11:13 am
I am so sorry that you have to go through this…especially at such a young age. I cannot BELIEVE your doc told you about Laser Hair removal while you were stirruped in! How insensitive and unprofessional. Get a new doc. I don’t care if he has been with you for so long: it seems that things have taken a turn for the worse and you need to be comfortable with your ob.
I’m thinking of you. Listen to your instincts but also know that hormones are taking over some of that logic…try and clear your head and come to the best answer for YOU.
Take care.
-rey
September 19th, 2006 at 6:10 pm
You need to feel totally comfortable with your doctor before doing this. Especially since he no longer has malpractic insurance…don’t risk it. A new doctor will see you through and take good care of you. Things like this is so fustrating to go through, hang in there.
~Lyns