What I would really like to say
********WARNING*I*MAY*TAKE*THIS*CRAZY*POST*DOWN*IN*MOMENT*OF*SANITY********
I generally enjoy blogging. I look forward to the camaraderie and finding things to laugh about during, what can sometimes seem like, a monotonous day. The one thing that has been really frustrating me as of late, though is the lack of things in my real life that I can actually write about. I just can’t do it. I have even considered starting a private blog because some of these things I really need to get off my chest but can’t do it in a public forum.
Some of them are too emotional- like about my brother. I have been really thinking about it a lot lately and I am nearing the point where I am ready to spew out to the world my complex and confusing feelings on him and what he has done with his life. Other major things involve A and her mother, I can’t really publically talk about all the details. John and his family battle. Then there is A and her behavior issues- especially as of late. I have mentioned before why I can’t/won’t talk about that.
The other problem is that I can’t really discuss these issues with most people either. My hubby- he will listen if I talk, but the entire time I know he was really wishing I would just. Stop. Talking. Now. My brother is a touchy subject to begin with so I don’t even go there. The issues with A and her mother he rather not think, deal or even acknowledge. Then A’s behavior issues are hitting us from all sides so he HAS to deal with them, even though he rather not, and if I want to talk about them, well, that just sends him over the edge. It’s just too much. He is too stressed with everything in his life and he just doesn’t want to talk about it. So he is out. My family is definitely a no-no. Everyone is already stressed and sick over my brother. Anything to do with A and my family is a no discussing zone for the sake of the fragility of our relationship. My friends, well, I have mentioned a little here and there, but for some reason, it seems like I just can’t divulge everything. Frustrated. That’s how I feel.
I don’t mean to be whining throughout this post and am not asking for sympathy. I just wonder how other bloggers can find meaningful and interesting topics to write about, without divulging their “Secrets” and still make for interesting reading. When I sit down to write I want to get these floods of emotions out, but can’t, so then I turn out a less than real passionate and emotionally void post. Like memes. Like cute things my kids say. Like this post…
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7 Responses to “What I would really like to say”
January 10th, 2007 at 10:30 pm
It makes it hard. Strangers are excellent people to talk to things about because they don’t know you and they don’t judge (for the most part). But then again, it’s nice to have someone who does know you to talk to. Fustrated seems like a pretty good word for everything. A private blog is a great idea because then no one that it effects can read it. There’s always the chance someone might find it but that’s unlikely. When you need to get things out…you know where to find me. If you want advice, I’ll give it. If you don’t, I won’t. Sometimes though, just simply saying everything allowed (or typing) can help you find the answers all on your own. Either way…hang in there. (Or go beat the crap out of a pillow…whatever works).
January 11th, 2007 at 2:33 am
I’m coming out of the closet. I have two blogs…well, three actually. Because I’m a crazy woman? Probably. But mostly because I, too, need a place that I can just rant freely and spew out all the mental trash that needs a-spewing. For this I use LiveJournal. Yeah. Yeah. I know. It’s not just for high-schoolers. Everything gets poured into this journal, which is locked as “Friends Only.” The people who read these posts are real life friends and a handful of other wonderful women I’ve met via LJ. It’s a good sounding board and a good sand box to throw tantrums in.
Anything deemed worthy for the vast internets (i.e.; vaguely amusing, literary and/or interesting to the general populace) goes into the Dharma Mum blog.
The third blog is a silly little thing that is just for the hell of it. The real stuff happens on LJ.
If you feel like creating a sandbox of your own, I’m over here at http://artemis-rich.livejournal.com/profile
And hang in there! You’re not alone!
January 11th, 2007 at 8:22 am
Sounds like you do need to vent. It shouldn’t hurt to try a private blog.
I’m only a few clicks away.
-
–prayers for you—–
January 11th, 2007 at 12:08 pm
I think there are always issues, that unless worded very very carefully, are hard to talk about.
I hope you can work them out without going too crazy in the mean time. It is especially hard when you can’t talk to Hubby about it.
January 11th, 2007 at 4:02 pm
Oh man do I ever relate to this post. I’ve even tried to channel the emotions into fiction, but I got caught on that one too.
Maybe you could write the posts and then email to those you trust.
I know what it’s like to need to vent and not truly be able to. If you ever need someone to just hear you, I’ll listen.
January 11th, 2007 at 4:29 pm
Oh, I understand COMPLETELY…and take it from me, I’ve gotten myself into some hotwater revealing my “secrets”…it’s hard to not put it all out there without thinking about who may run across it…google is big brother.
I’m sorry you’re going through hard times and finding it hard to talk to others…you can always vent to me. You have my email. I’ll listen for sure.
I hope you are doing better today. I see that I was tagged a couple of days ago. I’ll address that right now.
-Rey
January 11th, 2007 at 6:06 pm
Big hugs. There are many things that I don’t address on my blog, because too many people I know read it. I keep thinking about starting a different one, but I am just not good about keeping secrets from my family!
Good luck, I hope you can find a way to work everything out.